Introduction
Most people do not struggle because they lack discipline, motivation, or intelligence. They struggle because there are parts of their past that were never properly finished.
Those random moments that surface in the shower, on a walk, or when your mind goes quiet are not meaningless. The moments where you cringe, tense up, or want to mentally escape are signals. They are reminders that your mind never closed the loop on something that mattered.
When the past stays unresolved, trust in yourself slowly erodes. You hesitate. You overthink. You push forward, but something feels off. Not because you are broken, but because you are carrying unfinished stories that are still shaping how you see yourself.
This post is not about digging up the past to dwell in it. It is about taking control of how it is labeled, understood, and integrated so it stops pulling you backward. When you rewrite the past in your own words, you stop reliving it. That is when trust in yourself starts to come back.
1. Close the Past
I do not know if everyone has experienced this, but every person I have spoken to about it says they have. I call them “ick moments.”
An ick moment is when you zone out and suddenly replay something from your past. A moment where you did or said something you now feel embarrassed by or no longer agree with. It can come out of nowhere and pull you right back into your head.
When these moments keep showing up, especially if they are older than six months, they are strong indicators that your mind has unfinished business. Something about that moment never reached a conclusion, and your brain is still trying to resolve it.
How to Deal With Unfinished Business
When I worked at the cemetery, I had the opportunity to listen to whatever I wanted while I worked. You could call it a blessing, and it was, but it also added to the golden handcuffs of “why would I ever leave this lovely job.”
At some point, I stumbled into Jordan Peterson’s work. One of the most impactful things I took from it was a writing program he created called the Past Authoring Program.
The program walked you through different stages of your life, starting with elementary school and then moving forward in chunks of time all the way to the present. The process took a few days because, as you might expect, recalling your past can feel like a fuzzy snowball to the face.
You might wonder what the writing looked like. Was it free journaling or guided prompts? Honestly, I do not remember the specifics. What I do remember is the result.
Those moments that used to hit me in the shower or on a walk, the ones where I would cringe at something I did years ago, completely stopped showing up.
What I Learned
I had many realizations about my past, but the biggest one was this. More often than not, what holds us back is not the event itself, but the lack of a solid conclusion around it.
Going back and reliving those moments as accurately as I could remember was uncomfortable. But it was also incredibly effective. It stripped those moments of their power and closed the loop my mind had been stuck in.
How You Should Use This Post to Change Your Life
I know this might sound cliché. I also understand that not everyone loves to write, or even read, once school is over. But if you have recurring memories like the ones I described, I strongly encourage you to try this.
This process is not about glorifying your past. It is about giving yourself control over how it is labeled and understood.
If you do not label your past, someone else will. Parents, friends, old environments, and outdated versions of you will quietly decide who you are. And we both know you are not permanently that person. There is more to you than that.
Here is the exercise.
Grab something to write with and decide how you want to break up your life. I recommend:
Elementary school
Middle or early high school
End of high school
Early twenties and onward, broken into sections that make sense for you
Once you decide, write down every memory that comes to mind for each section. This does not need to be done in one day or even in order. Just set a date to have each section finished by, and do not limit yourself. Small moments absolutely count.
Now for the part where the real value shows up.
Go through one story or moment at a time. Write what happened and what it meant to you. Sometimes the answer will feel light. Other times it may not. No one will read this. The goal is to follow your feelings and write without filtering or blocking yourself.
What Happens If You Do This
I cannot guarantee the same results for you, but ask yourself this. How often do you look back on your life and only remember a handful of uncomfortable moments from elementary or middle school?
After I did this exercise, it felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt genuinely ready to move on.
But not quite yet. There is one more step.
Yes, We Will Be Using ChatGPT
I do not care what your stance is on AI or whether you think it is going to turn you into its obedient little pet. There are important tools we lose access to if we refuse to use what is available.
Personally, I use ChatGPT Pro, which is expensive, but there are plenty of other options that work just as well.
You can keep this very simple. Paste your notes into the chat and ask, “What does this say about me?” That alone is a powerful place to start.
You can go deeper by asking, “If you were an unbiased observer of my life based on these stories, what patterns or truths might I not be seeing?”
From there, the prompts are endless. Some of my favorites include asking for deeper journaling prompts or book recommendations that align with the conditioning and themes that show up.
If It Is That Easy, Why Doesn’t Everyone Do It?
I am not an idiot. I know most people read something like this, think it sounds nice, and then move on. They tell themselves they do not have the time or that they do not write.
Do what you want. But if you give this an honest try, I do not believe you will see it as a waste.
I believe you owe it to your younger self to uncover the past and label it in your own words. That, to me, is the first real step toward rebuilding belief in yourself and moving forward.
Conclusion
I hope this post encourages you to try this process, or at least to share it with someone who might need it.
It is hard to believe you can change when your life feels like a self fulfilling prophecy built on mistakes or failures. But remember this. You control the label. You control what those moments meant. And you have that choice every single day.
